‘Joe Iconis’s 15th Annual Christmas Extravaganza’

Buckle your seat belts!

By Alix Cohen

The Hellzapoppin’ holiday spectacle Pied Piper Joe Iconis annually engineers is wry, raunchy, subversive, sprawling, shamelessly exuberant fun. Though framework remains the same, each year there are new songs, digs, dialogue, tangents, and participants. Alchemy of the enormous cast is unrivaled, their collective talent extraordinary.

After a greeting by Rock n’ Roll Christmas Angel, Annie Golden, a melancholy Iconis shares that it’s been a particularly tough year during which he was compelled to take a lot of less-than-viable gigs. On their way back from a show upstate, the rest of the ‘family’ got caught in a snowstorm. Their bus veered off the road. “This year it’s just gonna be me…Don’t let the smile deceive you, I’m really quite depressed.”

The writer/impresario’s first song “Christmas -Baby Please Come Home” is meant to be a call and response. It emerges with palpable silences. Three homeless people arrive begging: Ragamuffin (Emily Wynn, who deserves a special call-out for replacing a sick cast member at the very last minute), silent Little Evalina (Morgan Siobhan Green) and Quince (Harrison Chad). With a remark aimed at Zohran Mamdani, they’re invited to stay.

As if that weren’t sufficient downer, evil real estate mogul, Vivalynn Nippinton (an ecstatically malevolent Amy Jo Jackson) calls in loans taken on by 54 Below worth over a million dollars. She wants to tear down the club and build an AI theater in which both performers and audience will be replicates! Iconis’ substitute, Joe A. Iconis (John El-Jor) is introduced with gleefully lewd implications.

Enter the gang, having hitchhiked with a group of elves. Everyone sings a holiday medley. The club’s strung-up lights beam colorfully on. Nippinton repeats that Iconis has a deadline. “You’re living in a fantasy,” he ruefully retorts.

“Take the bitch down!” Fancy Tree (Jason Veasey) calls out from across the room. Having misheard “fantasy” as “Fancy Tree”, he insists he was summoned. The evergreen is disconsolate because he auditioned for and was rejected by every prestigious holiday window. Later, in an update, Tree encounters a talent scout for Saks Fifth Avenue in the men’s room where the latter is waiting for Grindr date, Joe A. Iconis. Tree is given a contract. High/low aspects of the Extravaganza could make one dizzy.

“Joe’s Flashback” is a trio of songs dramatizing early, traumatic home life. “Italian Long Island Christmas” (Joe Iconis) depicts a cliché Neapolitan family wearing wife-beaters and suspenders: Philip Jackson Smith, Giovanny Diaz de Leon, Vinnie Urdea. “One day maybe I’ll sing my songs at a Christmas special of my own!” declares Flashback Joe (nerdy Jeremy Morse.)

Flashback Joe (Jeremy Morse) & Vinnie Urdea (Ronnie Sr.) ; Jackie Sanders (Long Island mom), Jackie Sanders (Holly Noggins)

Fleeing a histrionic, discouraging mother (Jackie Sanders) the hero travels to his newly disclosed real mom, vocalist Holly Noggins (Jackie Sanders.) Local forest animals (Aaron Clark Burstein, Jared Weiss, Brooke Shapiro, Sarah Cetrulo) perform a rhythmic “Christmas in Jacalope Holler” (Joe Iconis) on guitar and washboard. Unhinged Long Island mom unexpectedly arrives careening into creatures and family alike, killing everyone. Iconis keeps his family’s ashes in a novelty, plastic candy cane.

Katrina Rose Dideriksen sings a wowza rendition of “Please Come Home for Christmas.” Mustachioed bartender Mr.Macabee
(Eric William Morris) shares the recipe for “Mr. Macabee’s Christmas Eggnog” (Joe Iconis) which includes crack cocaine and frog semen. (It’s on the menu, conceivably minus the jizz.) The Krampus (terrific Lilly Tobin) seductively oozes “Baby It’s Cold Outside.” (Krampus is a horned, anthropomorphic figure who, in the Central and Eastern tradition, accompanies Saint Nicholas)

Elderly Dolores (Laura Dadap) deploys “Hard Candy Christmas” carrying a giant martini glass and a Panettone: “Lord it’s like a hard candy Christmas/I’m barely getting through tomorrow…” Santa (always a robust Jason Sweet Tooth Williams) joins the ranks of the disheartened. “I’m tired of giving and never receiving.” Competition from “Sweet Baby Jesus,” is too much to withstand. St. Nick takes a seat at a club banquette. The company tries to cheer him up, successively failing.

Sweet Baby Jesus himself (Bill Coyne, with unadulterated bravado) arrives lasciviously and literally stretched across the bar area wearing a loin cloth and shades. Mary Magdalene (the super Liz Lark Brown, with a Yiddish accent) strips down to shortie sequins to perform “Santa Baby” accompanied by scantily clad backup boys: Zeth Dixon, John El-Jor, Matthew Fedorek, Marco Porras.

Otherwise shy, complaining 54 Below neighbor, Jensen Myer (Mike Rosengarten, not having much fun), is talked into singing
“O Tannenbaum” while his adoring, kimono-clad husband (Macon Prickett, definitely having fun) looks on.

Sloshed Mrs. Santa Claus (Lorinda Lisitza- completely believable, always a treat; Mrs. C from the very first show) makes her presence known on stage, stumbling among audience, atop a table. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer (Gerard Canonico) offers swoony “What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?”

International salutes to the season, including “The Dreidel Song,” are succeeded by a roster of familiar tunes such as “Here Comes Santa Claus,”and “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.” Munchkins and Elves (love the ears!) showcase unbridled enthusiasm and fine voices. We also hear from Bob Dylan (Jared Weiss) and the Irish waitress who serves Santa (Kelly McIntyre.)

Santa gets his spirit back, Little Evelina (Morgan Siobhan Green) sings the hell out of “All I Want for Christmas is You.” People discover they’re related to strangers, missing children reunite with parents. Jason Sweet Tooth Williams performs Iconis’ wonderful “Goodbye Song.” The Rock n’ Roll Christmas Angel offers a tender “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.”

And that’s not all! Shenanigans comprise a two-and-a-half-hour musical show, not a concert. Iconis plays piano, sings, bounces, and benevolently watches his creation like The Wizard of Oz. Director John Simpkins’ masterfully corrals the dynamic satire. Cast dances and sings all around audience, all through the club.

Choreography by Christine O’ Grady and costumes by Brendan McCann add immeasurably to the proceedings. A unique, clever, and elaborate romp. The season is officially ON!

Electric Bass- Ian Kagey, Saxophone- Dennis Michael Keefe, Trumpet – Devon Meddock, Drums- Brent Stranathan,
Mike Rosengarten- Electric Guitar, Synth/Melodica/Bells- Rob Rokicki, Jaz Koft

Photos by Alix Cohen

Joe Iconis’ 15th Annual Christmas Extravaganza
Directed by John Simpkins
Max Friedman – Assistant Director and Environmental Designer
Produced by Jennifer Ashley Tepper
54 Below https://54below.org/